relationship blues

so i had been dating this girl for the past 4 months, which we agreed to end this past tuesday at diddy riese in westwood of all places. it was quite the amicable parting, as the writing was on the wall for the better part of the last month, which helped soften the blow. but it sure didn't make my cookie taste any better...

anyhoot, rather than sit around and mope about it, i figure the best thing i can do is make light of the situation (what i do best) and in the process, look back and realize just how foolish and naive i was, haha. remember, this is for your entertainment, not mine, so i'm being the bigger man here.

a quick recap of the particulars: me - a dashing, talented and quick-witted chap with a litany of useful (and useless) skills - please refrain from laughter, thanks - who resides on the westside. her - an attractive nurse and current grad student of the same nationality who resides in the san fernando valley. she was on summer break for the first three months, but started up school (and a vigorous work schedule) in late september, curiously the exact time things started going south.

here are a few signs (painful in remembrance, believe me) that things aren't going your way:

* when she spends more time looking at her phone than at you.

* when she doesn't initiate spending time with you. i've been fortunate enough in the past to not always have to ask, so i was going paranoid wondering if she even wanted to. she never said no, but a little indication would have been great. lesson learned.

* during a night of karaoke, i saw that her roommate texted her to see how the night was going. "great" or "it doesn't matter what we're doing, i just like hanging out w/brian" or "call the ambulance because i consumed too many sake bombs" all would have been perfectly acceptable answers. her response? "it's karaoke." ouch.

* after three months of dating, i told her that i liked her and enjoyed spending time with her. when i asked how she thought things were going, she dropped this gem: "i haven't really thought about it." OMG talk about having your heart ripped out, wow. i mean, that's something you say when your dad asks you what you want for lunch, NOT after spending time exclusively with someone for three months. needless to say, i was dumbfounded at the response and decided to soldier on for the sake of the rest of the evening. at this point, it was pretty clear i was #346 on her hierarchy. maybe even #347...

* when you cook dinner, and have to extract her from a textbook to tell her that the food is ready. i thought i was eating by myself it was so lonely. but hey, at least she offered to do the dishes, right? uh no. i basically prepped, cooked, cleaned and amused myself for three hours during this excruciating evening. i seriously think i had a better time getting my wisdom teeth removed. at least then i was numb from the pain... XD

* when you lightly caress her arm in bed and she replies by saying "wow, you must really be bored." um, yeah. [sniff, sniff]

* for her birthday, i decided to - ill-advised, obviously - make her a scrapbook of memories that only took me six weeks to complete. let's just say that i got a better response from the girl at paper source (where i picked up some paper and trinkets to put it together) than i did from the birthday girl. she was literally tearing up at the cash register she thought it was so thoughtful. again, this was A TOTAL STRANGER.

ok, so now that i'm feeling horrible about myself, i'm starting to choke up, sheesh. looking back, it's so difficult to remain objective when you're in the throes of a relationship, as the affairs of the heart can make one look really dumb. i mean, i consider myself a pretty perceptive fellow but even i couldn't think clearly and coherently about how i was being treated. i mean, what kind of idiot was i to think this behavior was acceptable? and to me? in any case, onwards and upwards as they say! i deserve better, damn it.